The day I received my letter of acceptance to New York University, I was ecstatic. It was my dream university, and my parents were pleased for me. But they also hadn’t pushed me to get into such a competitive school. In fact, the best thing they ever did for me was to discourage my perfectionist tendencies – indeed, when I was in elementary school, my dad offered to buy me a present if I got a C.
It happened when I was in third grade. An only child in an Asian family, I had just moved with my family from Taiwan to Los Angeles. Months into third grade, I developed a consuming worry about getting subpar grades. Seeing my anxiety, Dad said, “Kate, tell you what. If you get a C or lower, I’ll buy you a present. If you score higher than that, I won’t buy you anything, because you won’t need it.”
Clearly my dad wasn’t the stereotypical Asian tiger parent, pressuring me to work tirelessly for the best grades, and neither was my mom. They didn’t want to push me. They wanted me to be happy and healthy. Dad’s offer of a “failing grade” gift did wonders to quell my worries and it took the pressure off. What’s more, I ended up getting A’s and B’s throughout high school, but without the added stress and fear of failing.
At New York University, I started out pre-med, aspiring to be an anesthesiologist. One late night, holed up in the library, studying for the dreaded organic chemistry midterm, I went 22 hours without sleep. When my parents heard of this, they tried to dissuade me from my medical school plans. To read more from Kate Chia, click here.